September 17, 2009 at 9:34 am (Lessons Learned, Marriage, Ministry, Missions, Peru)
Had my first major frustration in language school yesterday. I’ve had minor frustrations before learning the language. But, yesterday was bad–really bad. But, I am amazed at how God turns the bad around to teach me something good.
I failed my first test yesterday. And for those of you who know me, that is a BIG deal. I don’t like to fail. I don’t like to mess up. I would venture to say that sums up about all of us. But, I react sinfully and pridefully when I fail or mess up. It’s completely wrong to do.
God had been using this time in Peru–this time when there are fewer distractions and more time to focus on Him–to show me areas in my life that He has probably wanted to deal with before. It’s amazing how easy it is to run from God when you pile on distraction after distraction. Here it’s a different story. Am I busy? Certainly. Are their distractions? Of course.
But, being here in a different culture, opens your eyes to those ugly things in your heart. I don’t know how it happens. It’s a mystery to me. But, I am so thankful that He can use things–even things like failing a test–to teach me lessons.
I was very frustrated–even angry–when they brought the test back to me. I knew I had not done well, but to see 7 of the 25 questions wrong hit me hard. I wanted perfection. And I didn’t get it. I wanted to build my pride by thinking I have accomplished a great deal in the language. But God had a different plan.
Little by little, He’s been teaching me that I don’t have to be “perfect” to have worth in Him. He’s been teaching me that my trying to have everything together, everything in order, is nothing but a show. Others can see through it, and I am sure the only person I am fooling is myself.
Now, I am not advocating that I should just run around like a mess and do nothing profitable. I am just saying that many times I look to my accomplishments for my sense of self-worth and satisfaction. All along, here in Peru, God has been using little things–things like failing a test–to show me that I should find my worth and satisfaction in Him.
Thank you for praying for me while Robert and I are here. I want to post some observations about culture shock and how it affects your relationships soon. Again, thanks for all your love and support!
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May 13, 2009 at 9:47 am (Family, Lessons Learned, Ministry, Missions)
This post is for my family at Way of the Cross Bapstist Church–the church I grew up in. I just want to let you all know how grateful I am that God brought my family there and that I got to grow up under sound preaching there.
Some of you have asked me why Robert and I haven’t sent letters out to everyone at WOTC. I just want to let you guys know that we didn’t send any because I didn’t want anyone to feel like I was taking advantage of your generosity. You all were so faithful to support me financially while I was in college all the way up until my six months of training at the Our Generation Training Center was finished. So, all in all, WOTC supported me financially from September of 1998 up until May of 2007. Plus, many individuals at the church also supported me! I would never want to take advantage of your graciousness and patience as I have tried to follow and serve the Lord. At times, I almost feel like I should prove myself to you again before I could ever even think of asking for support like that again! But, really, thank you for all the love and support you gave me then and also for the same love and support you give me now.
Some of you have asked me to send you a letter, which I will very gratefully do. If there are others of you who do want a letter, please let me know. Again, please know how much I value the teaching, love, kindness and generosity that you all have given to me while growing up. May the Lord bless you with many more people who desire to serve Him because of your faithfulness!
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May 6, 2009 at 11:08 am (Biblical womanhood, Lessons Learned, Marriage)
It’s been a long time coming, but here is the third installment on lessons I am learning in becoming a gracious woman.
Micah 6:8 He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?
While all three requirements are difficult to live by, the first one–do justly–seems to come the least difficult to me. The second one–love mercy–seems infinitely more difficult. I tend to desire fairness to the point that mercy is often crowded out. One reason I am so thankful for my husband is that he is merciful. And he has taught me more about mercy than anyone else ever has (and corrected me many times, as well!)
When I am not merciful, I am forgetting the tremendous mercy that Christ has shown me. When I demand justice and fairness, I am forgetting what consequences were truly fair for me. I have not even come close to receiving the consequences I have earned. Christ took those consequences on Himself when He died for my sins. And then, through His mercy, He has made me into something I could have never become on my own–His own.
So, I would say that in the times I want most desperately to demand fairness and justice, I should remember that I, who was most deserving to reap the conseqences of my sin, received mercy. And it’s probably those times that I want justice the most that I should give mercy in return.
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April 7, 2009 at 10:30 am (Biblical womanhood, Lessons Learned, Marriage, Ministry)
Micah 6:8 states “He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the Lord require of thee, but to do justly, and love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?”
I shared in the previous post that I would be quite enthusiastic about making sure we all follow the first requirement of doing justly. But, if I really think about it, I probably would only be enthusiastic about what I considered to be just. And that would put me right where the Israelites were at the end of Judges where “every man did that which is right in his own eyes.” I would imagine that many of us–myself entirely included–need to be so careful in this area–especially that we don’t demand things of others that God Himself doesn’t demand. I have fallen into that trap many times and have often been the cause of hurt in doing so.
I think another pitfall regarding the “do justly” requirement that I find myself falling into again and again is not understanding that this requirement is personalized. What does the Lord require of thee–of me? It is not “What does the Lord require of everyone around me?” This verse does not make me the “do justly” police. The only requirement is that I do justly–that I do the right thing. (And I think that if I would work harder on making sure I am doing the right thing, I just might see less need for the “do justly” police!)
For example, if Robert has done something to hurt my feelings, my reaction should no be to get emotional and demand that he make things right and point out every area he needs to personally fix in his life to make our marriage better. Instead, my appropriate response should be for me to do the just thing–the right thing–to be a sweet, loving and gracious wife and not become that boisterous and clamorous woman that Proverbs warns us about.
And as a little preview of the next requirement, I believe that as I begin to understand more about my responsiblity to do justly, I might just begin to grow to love mercy a little more than I do now. But, more on that topic another time. . .
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March 27, 2009 at 11:14 am (Biblical womanhood, Lessons Learned)
I am learning more and more about the grace of God and how we learn to become gracious people as we grow in Him. And I am learning how as I grow in Him and become more gracious, my relationships with others strengthen and grow deeper.
Anyone who knows me even a little would agree that I tend to choose justice over mercy. But God is both just and merciful and perfect in both. And all too often we humans tend to lean more toward one than toward the other. I confess that I err on the side of demanding justice more often than showing mercy. However, there is a balance between the seeming paradox of displaying both characteristics.
Micah 6:8 states “He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the Lord require of thee, but to do justly and love mercy, and to walk humbly with they God?”
I would be the first to jump up and down insisting that we all follow the first requirement. But I have to admit I wouldn’t be so enthusiastic about the other two. And the other two are just as elemental in my walk with the Lord and my growth in Him as the first one is.
I think the best example to use in writing about how I am learning to be a gracious woman would be my relationship with my husband. The Lord has given me a wonderful man. And we are the exact opposite. I am demanding and high-strung. He is laid back and flexible. I am calendar and detail driven. He is spontaneous. I choose justice. He is merciful. I am many times unthoughtful. He is compassionate. And please don’t take those observations the wrong way. All of these differences are wonderful! I love Robert’s compassion and mercy. I love his spontanaity. I love that he is flexible and can “roll with the punches” so to speak. But, I do have to be careful that those things that helped me fall in love with my husband don’t actually become things that I get annoyed with. And if I get annoyed, then these differences serve to show me where I need to become more gracious.
I would like to take some blog posts within the next few days to write about some lessons I have learned and still am learning from Micah 6:8. I admit that I visit that verse often and thought I would share what God is doing in my heart through it. I would love for you to comment back and share your thoughts as well!!!
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February 16, 2009 at 12:59 pm (Biblical womanhood, Lessons Learned, Ministry)
The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. Titus 2:3-5
Obedient to their own husbands: I know it’s been a long time coming to finish this verse–frankly because I know what a difficult thing it is for me to do this last part. I also know that I’m not the only one who has struggled with the obedience issue. Even if no one today struggles with it–I know some ladies in the Bible who did. Just my speculation here–but since it’s such a difficult thing, maybe that’s why it’s last on this list? If we would have read this part first, we may have given up on the rest!
Obedience is not just the action of doing what my husband asks of me. He could ask me to do something–but if I don’t have the right heart attitude about it, even if I do it, there is still rebellion and disobendience in my heart. I think eye service is just as wrong and displeasing as no service at all. We’ve all heard the illustration about the kid who was told to stop jumping in the house. The story goes that he obeyed and stopped jumping but made sure his mom knew that he may not be jumping on the outside, but inside he sure was! How many times do I outwardly do things that please my husband all the while having the exact opposite heart attitude? I must be on guard about eye service.
One other thing I have learned about men since being married–men desire respect from their wives as much as we desire love and security. Think about how much it hurts your feelings when your husband speaks to you in a harsh and unloving manner. I would think I’m right when I say it’s pretty crushing. Just as a tender and loving response is critical for us, our respect is critical for them. And what better way to show admiration and respect than to do things that would please him and have the right heart attitude about it? Okay, I’m sure I have dug myself a hole here, so I think I’m done.
The conclusion of the matter: The last part of this passage cuts me to the core. And it should cut every ladyto the core who loves God and wants to honor Him with her life as well. That the word of God be not blasphemed. I wonder how often we ladies think about this–the world mocks us. We know that. Christ told us we would be hated. But do we realize that the world mocks God Himself? And all too often, we Christians are to blame for that. How often do I let people know that I want to be a woman of God’s word and then behave in a manner opposite of what He demands? Do I realize that when I do that, I give those who don’t know my God an opportunity to ridicule Him and degrade Him? That they think or even say, “She says she loves God, but I don’t see her doing what He says. He must not be as great of a God as she claims. If she loved him like she says she does, why would she react like that or say those things?” May God in heaven forgive me for the times I have been used as the instrument to cause others to mock the name of my Savior.
Okay, I hope you all don’t hate me for those things I’ve written. God has taught me so much through this little study, and I only hope I can be a help.
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February 14, 2009 at 8:56 pm (Lessons Learned)
Just so you know, I plan to finish the Titus passage. But, there’s something I need to interject before I get to that.
I learned a hard lesson today. It was a lesson I should not have needed to learn. It’s something that I should have already known and been taking care of. It’s the importance of keeping up with relationships.
I went back to the church I grew up in–filled with people who have watched me grow up and mature and try to serve God. And I had not seen any of them since my wedding day. Nor had I written any of them. Nor had I called them.
And I can recite excuses about how busy I am–about how many hours I work and then how much time I put into this and that. But the plain truth is that I have no excuse. No excuse because everyone works. No excuse because everyone is busy. And again, no excuse, even more so, because if I am the one who moved away. And I am the one who should have come home sooner.
A man that has friends must show himself friendly. I think I do a decent job at being friendly to people I see often. But, the pattern has become “out of sight, out of mind.” And that is a horribly selfish way to live. And horribly ungrateful. These people at my home church have loved me and cared for me and nurtured me since I was a child. What a horrible thing to leave, come back to get married, and not return again for well over a year. May everyone back home forgive me for my selfishness and lack of thankfulness.
Everyone today showed me such an example of God’s grace. No one had to talk to me today. Everyone had a right to give back to me what I had given to them for the past almost year and a half. But no one did that. Everyone did the right thing, the loving thing, the sweet thing–everyone spoke to me as though I had not left. The people of Way of the Cross Baptist Church are wonderful people–great examples of Christ’s love–to love the unloving, like I have been.
It’s not my intention to continue to beat myself up about not doing the right thing. It is my intention, though, to make it right. I made some decisions in my heart today. Decisions to prove my thankfulness and love for all those people at my home church who have shown me so much love. Decisions to not forget where I have come from. I connected with many of them–as many as I found–on facebook today. And beginning today, I will be writing at least one letter to put in the mail a day–a practice I have intended to do for quite some time, but have put off. Today is a day of new beginnings–of proactively doing things to keep in touch with those I don’t see everyday.
Again, I want to say a big thank you to all of you of still showed me love today. I have learned my lesson and with God’s help, I don’t want to lose touch again.
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February 10, 2009 at 9:43 am (Biblical womanhood, Lessons Learned, Ministry)
The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. Titus 2:3-5
Good: I think that here I should learn to be kind. I would not consider myself a very sweet lady many times. I do work on it and have asked the Lord to make me into a sweet lady. I struggle a lot with thoughtfulness. Robert has been sick this week. I have too, but not nearly as sick as he has been. Saturday mornings, Robert gets up early to pick up bread for our food ministry. And this past Saturday, he was horribly sick. He ended up getting out of bed to get the bread for our food ministry and then came home and crashed. The kicker about it all was that it didn’t even cross my mind to get up before him and take care of that responsibility. A “good” wife–as in one who is thoughtful, kind, and striving to do good things for her husband–just might have thought to do that. I know, some of you will say, “But, there’s already so much you do for your husband.” And I might want to agree at times. But, I think that there is always room for improvement. I want to learn to be “good”–to be kind, thoughtful, friendly, and considerate. Not only to my husband, but also to others. I think it even reaches further–how about being kind, considerate, thoughtful, caring, friendly and loving to those who in my mind don’t deserve such treatment? For those of you who know me well, you’ll understand what I mean when I say I tend to want justice more often than mercy. And I think that part of me learning to be good is loving the merciful things. I think that’s a good step in the direction of being thoughtful and good.
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February 6, 2009 at 8:55 am (Biblical womanhood, Lessons Learned, Ministry)
The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. Titus 2:3-5
Chaste: This word has many implications. In general, it refers to purity. A godly lady will want to keep herself pure–sexually, yes; however, this chastity goes further, I believe. She should want to keep her thought life pure. She should want to dress in a manner that would help keep other’s thoughts pure. Concerning dress, which will I think I will talk about in more detail at a later time, a woman’s attitudes toward her Lord and this world are most often reflected in the clothing she adorns herself with. I am not saying we should look frumpy. We should alway strive to look our best. But, all too often we women use that as an excuse for immodesty. A godly lady should also want to maintain a faithfulness to her husband that cannot be questioned. Her purity should be to the level that her husband’s heart will safely trust in her so that he would have no need of spoil.
Keepers at home: This is a touchy one, for sure! My job is quite demanding and I work at least fifty hours a week–sometimes on Saturday even. I have to admit, I fail often at being a keeper of the home. I don’t contend that we must all be housewives, but I do believe that my home should be the source of the most encouragement, sanctuary and relief for my husband. And I am sure he doesn’t find much relief when he comes home to find clothes that have yet to be hung up. Or to see a sink full of dishes that still need to be cleaned. I struggle with the balance of work, home and ministry everyday. And all to often I let one go to tackle another. And I know that if I struggle with it, most likely, there is someone else out there that does the same. It’s my prayer though, that I would place keeping my home higher on my priority list. God placed it pretty high on His.
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February 4, 2009 at 9:16 am (Biblical womanhood, Lessons Learned, Ministry)
The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. Titus 2:3-5
Some lessons I am learning about what it means to be a godly wife:
To love their children: I don’t have children yet. But I understand there are some things I can be doing to prepare myself for loving my children biblically. I can prepare myself by already loving the children in my church. I have the awesome privelege of teaching the 3-6 year olds in children’s church. And I have learned so much about what loving a child means. It means loving unconditionally and sacrificially. Not based on merit, appeal or anything else at all. It means that I should be extremely concerned about the salvation and spiritual growth of the children. It means that I should show them the good and warn them of the bad. Teach them what sin is. And if I can learn to do that with someone else’s child, how much more should I be able to do that with my own children.
To be discreet: Wow, it seems like the list is getting harder! Discretion is a difficult thing for most of us who love to talk. We get ourselves in trouble way too easily. Discretion is simply making right decisions, using common sense–having wisdom to know what is appropriate. I have failed many times at not being discreet in a group and have embarrassed myself and my husband. James tells us that we should be swift to hear and slow to speak. I truly believe that if I would just hold my tongue a few seconds longer in certain situations, I just might be able to honor and please the Lord a little better. I would defeinitely benefit greatly from using discretion in my relationship with my husband. How often do I make a comment in a fit of emotion that ignites an argument? How often could I be spared those arguments if I just learn what is appropriate to say and when?
more following. . .
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