Language School Frustration

September 17, 2009 at 9:34 am (Lessons Learned, Marriage, Ministry, Missions, Peru)

Had my first major frustration in language school yesterday. I’ve had minor frustrations before learning the language. But, yesterday was bad–really bad. But, I am amazed at how God turns the bad around to teach me something good.

I failed my first test yesterday. And for those of you who know me, that is a BIG deal. I don’t like to fail. I don’t like to mess up. I would venture to say that sums up about all of us. But, I react sinfully and pridefully when I fail or mess up. It’s completely wrong to do.

God had been using this time in Peru–this time when there are fewer distractions and more time to focus on Him–to show me areas in my life that He has probably wanted to deal with before. It’s amazing how easy it is to run from God when you pile on distraction after distraction. Here it’s a different story. Am I busy? Certainly. Are their distractions? Of course.

But, being here in a different culture, opens your eyes to those ugly things in your heart. I don’t know how it happens. It’s a mystery to me. But, I am so thankful that He can use things–even things like failing a test–to teach me lessons.

I was very frustrated–even angry–when they brought the test back to me. I knew I had not done well, but to see 7 of the 25 questions wrong hit me hard. I wanted perfection. And I didn’t get it. I wanted to build my pride by thinking I have accomplished a great deal in the language. But God had a different plan.

Little by little, He’s been teaching me that I don’t have to be “perfect” to have worth in Him. He’s been teaching me that my trying to have everything together, everything in order, is nothing but a show. Others can see through it, and I am sure the only person I am fooling is myself.

Now, I am not advocating that I should just run around like a mess and do nothing profitable. I am just saying that many times I look to my accomplishments for my sense of self-worth and satisfaction. All along, here in Peru, God has been using little things–things like failing a test–to show me that I should find my worth and satisfaction in Him.

Thank you for praying for me while Robert and I are here. I want to post some observations about culture shock and how it affects your relationships soon. Again, thanks for all your love and support!

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Love Mercy

May 6, 2009 at 11:08 am (Biblical womanhood, Lessons Learned, Marriage)

It’s been a long time coming, but here is the third installment on lessons I am learning in becoming a gracious woman.

Micah 6:8  He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?

While all three requirements are difficult to live by, the first one–do justly–seems to come the least difficult to me. The second one–love mercy–seems infinitely more difficult. I tend to desire fairness to the point that mercy is often crowded out. One reason I am so thankful for my husband is that he is merciful. And he has taught me more about mercy than anyone else ever has (and corrected me many times, as well!)

When I am not merciful, I am forgetting the tremendous mercy that Christ has shown me. When I demand justice and fairness, I am forgetting what consequences were truly fair for me. I have not even come close to receiving the consequences I have earned. Christ took those consequences on Himself when He died for my sins. And then, through His mercy, He has made me into something I could have never become on my own–His own.

So, I would say that in the times I want most desperately to demand fairness and justice, I should remember that I, who was most deserving to reap the conseqences of my sin, received mercy. And it’s probably those times that I want justice the most that I should give mercy in return.

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Micah 6:8

April 7, 2009 at 10:30 am (Biblical womanhood, Lessons Learned, Marriage, Ministry)

Micah 6:8 states “He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the Lord require of thee, but to do justly, and love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?”

I shared in the previous post that I would be quite enthusiastic about making sure we all follow the first requirement of doing justly. But, if I really think about it, I probably would only be enthusiastic about what I considered to be just. And that would put me right where the Israelites were at the end of Judges where “every man did that which is right in his own eyes.” I would imagine that many of us–myself entirely included–need to be so careful in this area–especially that we don’t demand things of others that God Himself doesn’t demand. I have fallen into that trap many times and have often been the cause of hurt in doing so.

I think another pitfall regarding the “do justly” requirement that I find myself falling into again and again is not understanding that this requirement is personalized. What does the Lord require of thee–of me? It is not “What does the Lord require of everyone around me?” This verse does not make me the “do justly” police. The only requirement is that I do justly–that I do the right thing. (And I think that if I would work harder on making sure I am doing the right thing, I just might see less need for the “do justly” police!)

For example, if Robert has done something to hurt my feelings, my reaction should no be to get emotional and demand that he make things right and point out every area he needs to personally fix in his life to make our marriage better. Instead, my appropriate response should be for me to do the just thing–the right thing–to be a sweet, loving and gracious wife and not become that boisterous and clamorous woman that Proverbs warns us about.

And as a little preview of the next requirement, I believe that as I begin to understand more about my responsiblity to do justly, I might just begin to grow to love mercy a little more than I do now. But, more on that topic another time. . .

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I love Robert Canfield

January 9, 2009 at 4:43 pm (Marriage)

Okay, so I have to give credit to April Baker for this idea. (And by the way, you can check out her blog by clicking here or at the bottom left of the page.) She posted 50 reasons why she loves her husband some time ago and inspired me to do the same. So, sorry for being a copycat April!! I just was really blessed by reading that blog entry.

So here are some reasons why I love my husband. I sent this in an email to him some time back, but just thought I would let the world know too!

Of course there are more though!

1. You are so incredibly handsome.
2. You have the greatest smile.
3. Your eyes are the perfect shade of blue.
4. You make me melt.
5. You still make me blush.
6. You love me despite my many flaws.
7. You love the Lord.
8. You try to honor the Lord in everything you do.
9. You work hard.
10. You take good care of me.
11. You love your family.
12. You respect your parents.
13. You love God’s Word.
14. You are genuine.
15. You are transparent.
16. You are friendly.
17. You are funny.
18. You make me feel like I am worth something.
19. You hold me just right.
20. You kiss me all the time.
21. You want us to have a godly home.
22. You look great in a shirt and tie.
23. You look great in jeans.
24. You have the best hair ever.
25. You sacrifice for me.
26. You need me and I need you.
27. You are great at building things.
28. You make me proud to be your wife.
29. You are good to me.
30. You are my best friend.
31. You hang out with me.
32. You provide for me.
33. You are compassionate.
34. You love people.
35. You are a great leader.
36. Your Sunday School class loves you.
37. You love your Sunday School class.
38. You are teachable.
39. You have a desire to learn more.
40. You are doing and will do great things for God.
41. You aren’t lazy.
42. You are good with your hands.
43. You have great arms—big and strong.
44. You have amazing shoulders.
45. You make me feel safe.
46. You protect me.
47. You are patient with me.
48. You are tender with me.
49. We pray together.
50. We enjoy each other’s company.
51. You are Robert Canfield and I couldn’t imagine anyone better!

ok, so it was more than 50! I love you!

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Important Lesson(s) to Learn

November 24, 2008 at 5:16 pm (Lessons Learned, Marriage)

Okay. . . bad news. At least I thought that way at first. But, really it will end up as good news. Good news that God has done a work in my heart and taught me an important lesson. It’s one that He’s taught me before, but it seems like I haven’t quite caught on. And to be honest, I will probably need a few more lessons like this before it’s all over.

Date nights are important–especially to me. I’m selfish, and it never seems like I get all the date nights with Robert I want. But, then again, if I could have all the date nights I want, we would have one every night. With that said, nothing would ever get accomplished, and then date night would no longer be special.

Without boring you with details–I’ve been arranging (and rearranging) our schedules to try to fit in a date night (or afternoon) the past few days. And something has come up each time. And each time I have wanted to get upset about it and pitch a fit inside (and maybe a litte to my husband, also!) about not getting my way.

But, God is so good to use circumstances to show me that my silly little date night–although a wonderful thing for my marriage–should not become so important that I allow it to blind me to the needs of others.

Let me explain. I wanted a date night Saturday night. Robert needed to finish polishing up his lesson for the teens on Sunday. Okay. That’s a good thing–a needful thing. I will wait. And God showed me that I have a wonderful man of God that will put his own desires aside to make sure he does the right thing and honors God the right way. I don’t want a man like Nadab and Abihu who would be willing to offer strange fire–carnal worship–to the Lord. Lesson 1. Give up your selfish desires Kelli, so that your husband can be used to bring God glory.

Sunday afternoon–a relaxing date time with my husband? No–lesson 2. Taking some kids home from church after the service. Normal activity. Overheard the girls talking about some issues in their home life. Robert uses it as an opportunity for us to minister to these young people. We take them out to lunch. The girls share some things with us, and I am able to point them to what God’s word says about the situation. Lesson 2. Give up your selfish desires Kelli, so that you may have an opportunity to model a Christ honoring marriage for these young ladies and help them learn how to biblically deal with situations in their lives.

Okay, Sunday night–definitely date night after church??? Lesson 3. Godly women must be given to hospitality. Invite people over and fellowship. A man that has friends must show himself friendly. As iron sharpens iron–so does a friend sharpen a friend. Chris Gardner joins. He and the guys talk about ministry. Robert asks questions and learns more about what a man of God should be like. Lesson 3. Give up your selfish desires Kelli, so that God may do an even bigger work in your husband’s heart.

Monday night then? Maybe? Lesson 4. Roberts spends his day off from class and work helping get the Gardner’s get moved up to Tennessee. He gets stuck in traffic, and it looks like he won’t be home until late tonight. Lesson 4. Give up your selfish desires Kelli and notice again one of the things that made you fall in love with your husband–his willingness to sacrifice his selfish desires for the good of others. Learn from his example. Know that your husband loves people, and it’s through that love that God is using and will use him to to great things for His glory. Love your husband for the right reasons–not just because he gives you your way.

I am sure that I have been way to honest and transparent. But I really am so excited about how the Lord has worked in my heart over the last few days! The Lord has showed me an area in my life which I need Him to fix. And He has lovingly and firmly showed me my sinful attitudes. I am so thankful that He loves us enough to work out the negative attitudes and teach us the right way to look at things! I would not have wanted my husband to have made any other choices than what he did. He made all the right choices, and I appreciate his leadership so much!

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One Amazing Man

November 3, 2008 at 2:42 pm (Marriage)

Sunday afternoon Robert and I visited a couple he knows. We just stopped by to chat for a little while, and I sat amazed at what a wonderful man the Lord has given me. He’s given me a man of God that desires to see people come to know Christ–and one who is willing to put his fears and pride aside to do just that! We were talking with the couple and the Lord opened a big door for Robert to present the gospel. My husband didn’t take the coward’s way out and change the subject or ignore the opportunity–he took the couple from where they were and brought their comments around to the Word of God and Christ’s gospel. And he did it in such a loving yet firm manner. I was really amazed! Now, I am sure he will be embarrassed that I am saying such things about him–but I truly think he deserves it!

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10 days and counting

October 17, 2008 at 5:11 pm (Marriage)

Ten days out from my first wedding anniversary. Just wanted to take some time to point out one thing I love about my husband. He always strives to have a good attitude about things! I know that it sounds very simple. How hard can it be to have a good attitude about things–or at least try to the majority of the time??? But I have to admit that I struggle with choosing the right attitude more often that I should. I am so thankful that God gave me a husband who has helped me tremendously in this area. Robert has such a gentle way of turning me in the right direction, too! I want to look at the negative way too often. Robert always points out the good in the situation. He is always upbeat. Thank you Robert for being such a great spiritual leader and consistently pointing me in the right direction! I love you!

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